On Returning to Training

from the April, 2012 issue of Kiai!

By Rebecca Epstein
Development Manager & Brown Belt

I am currently on a break from training, but anticipating my return after I give birth and settle into my role as a new parent along with my partner, Milton. In my seven plus years at Thousand Waves, I’ve seen people leave and return to training long-term, and I’ve seen people leave and make a return that didn’t quite stick. In an effort to prepare for my own return, although it’s still an indeterminate time in the future, I asked several Senpai – whose returning stuck – about their experiences. Common themes in their stories emerged: courage, discipline, and excitement. Courage, since stepping back onto the training floor can be intimating. Discipline, because it takes commitment to reintegrate training into your life. Excitement, because re-discovering the joy of the movements and camaraderie of Seido Karate at Thousand Waves are the most compelling reasons to return.

Please read about Sensei Sally Wiggington’s, Senpai Eric Francque’s, Kate Phillipo’s, and Becky Kidd’s returning to training experiences. If you've been wanting to return, their stories will provide you with extra momentum. Jun Shihan Nancy and Sarah welcome you with open hearts, as well as plenty of punches and kicks.

(photo) Sensei Sally Wigginton’s Return

When did you start training? 1986
When did you take a break? 1993 - 2003
Why did you take a break?
I was a Nidan, a teacher, a leader of Thousand Waves, and one of then Kyoshi Nancy’s first black belts. My focus on karate was waning; my heart wasn’t in my movement anymore. I had a shoulder injury, a new job, and a partner I wanted to spend more time with. At first I considered it a break, but nearly ten years later I had no thoughts of returning.
What compelled you to return?
In May 2003 I attended an Art with Heart Performance. I was awed by then Senpai Ann Tyler’s beauty and strength and remembered teaching her as a white and blue belt. Then Kyoshi Nancy & Sensei Sarah were amazing in their power and grace. I thought they were incredible in 1993, and in 2003 they were even better. The talent of the students inspired me and I realized how much I missed the community of Thousand Waves, Kyoshi Nancy’s master teaching and the energy I once felt as I kicked and punched in class.
What challenges and rewards did you face upon returning?
I wasn’t sure if Kyoshi Nancy would be open to my returning. I knew that my leaving might have hurt her in that she had put so much time into my earlier training. Maybe she wouldn’t want to take the risk of my leaving again. Her openness to my returning touched me and I felt welcomed.
Is there anything else you’d like to share about returning?
Coming back allowed me to experience the community in a new way. I can be part of a group, rather than a facilitator, a student rather than a teacher. I appreciate watching the new leadership help keep the school vibrant through teaching, running outreach programs and fundraising. It is clear to me that the mission of Thousand Waves had expanded well beyond the small dojo it once was.

(photo) Senpai Eric Francque’s return

When did you start training?
I started training in the fall of 1997.
When did you take a break?
I took a break in October of 2010 to heal after an elective foot surgery. I came back a few months later, but then took another extended break in early 2011 for surgery on my other foot. That second recovery period was longer, and I returned in the summer of 2011.
What compelled you to return?
Since joining TW in 1997, the relationship I had with the community was pretty key in my life. In addition to training in karate for many years, I really felt aligned with TW’s mission and work, not to mention very connected to my teachers, training friends and the community at large. Thousand Waves is like an extended family to me, so it wasn’t an option that I wouldn’t return. The question was more in what capacity I would return.
What challenges and rewards did you face upon returning?
My foot surgeries and related set-backs were extremely challenging from a pain management perspective – and continue to be to some extent. Also, upon returning, I was very limited in how I could do simple movement from a martial arts vocabulary such as stance-work, pivoting, shifting weight, etc. During this time, I was extremely fortunate, however, to work with a skilled physical therapist on how to stay safe as I slowly re-integrated myself into training. Aside from pain management and re-learning basic movements, another challenge I encountered was with letting go of what my newly modified karate looked like. During this time, Jun Shihan Nancy encouraged me to return to training and demonstrate leadership by modeling how to modify during a recovery period. The rewards I experienced were many including being able to stretch and move my body after months of little activity, and simply punching and kicking again. I forgot how much I really loved karate!
Do you have any tips for people who want to return but are feeling apprehensive about coming back?
I was very apprehensive and a little shy to return, despite my extroverted personality. So I had to come out of my shell a bit. For someone who has taken a break for similar reasons (ie, a surgery), I would say, take it easy at first and really listen to your body during and after your classes. And I’d offer the advice to reflect on why you began training in the first place. Try to re-connect to the joy and fun you first experienced and have a beginner’s mind about the new possibilities in this period of your training.

(photo) Senpai Kate Phillipo’s Return

When did you start training? 1995
When did you take a break? 2004-2009
Why did you take a break?
My son Noam was born, I started a doctoral program and the Seido school I'd been training at in California fell apart – all in the period of about 4 months!
What compelled you to return?
I always knew I would return to martial arts when I had the opportunity. I contacted Sensei (?) Bobby Henderson in the Bay Area about resuming training with him, but it never worked out due to timing and distance. I took aikido classes at Stanford University but didn't like the teaching style (juniors were largely left to fend for themselves and seniors avoided partnering with them) and found myself happier to work on my dissertation than take time to train...not a good sign. In my mind, I only wanted to train at Thousand Waves. Then I had the opportunity to move back to Chicago! Returning was a no-brainer. I was thrilled to return to my community and to make so many new friends.
What challenges and rewards did you face upon returning?
A friend of mine and I used to have the joke that there would be a chapter in my autobiography called "Everybody's my senpai." People who were kids when I left were senior to me! I was thrilled with their accomplishments but just sort of felt behind, embarrassed that I couldn't remember Pinan 3 while they were fighting with the bo. It took a bit to adjust to not knowing what I had once known so well. I was also exhausted. The first time I took 2 saturday classes I fell asleep that night at the movies and slept through the entire movie. I also couldn't train 3-5 times a week like I had when I had a 9-5 job and no family responsibilities, which was a real adjustment.
Rewards were many, though. New friends, new perspective on training, lots of perspective on my new career as a professor. I had missed training so much that I found myself really grateful for every chance to train, even if it was just one class, even if I was late, even if it was the only class I'd take that week (which was often the case). I found myself watching the clock a lot less, and putting forth a lot more effort. Is this it for the week? Make it good!
It was also amazing to see how much I remembered. The first time I did Sai Ha (since 2004), I had no idea about any of the kata. I followed others for the first move, and then did the rest of the kata completely independently. My body really remembered a lot!
Do you have any tips for people who want to return but are feeling apprehensive about coming back?
Come back! Train at your own pace! Seido is here and isn't in a hurry. Nobody will think anything bad about you at all and will in fact be mystified to see your martial art unfold as you get back in it.

(photo) Becky Kidd’s Return

When did you start training?
I started hanging about the dojo some 13 or 14 years ago. In January of 2007 I took a trial class. Kagami Biraki of that year was my second class in a gi.
When you did take a break?
I've trained fairly consistently since the beginning. There have been little breaks here and there – busy season at work or some sickness that hung on for far too long. In truth I didn't really take a break. I've missed longer stretches of time for vacation than the two weeks I missed when I had surgery in December 2011.
Why did you take a break?
I've had shoulder pain for years. I did a course of therapy a while back. My pain improved somewhat, but as time went by I realized that my strength was still decreasing. When I couldn't present a passable jodan uke without making the sort of face that usually accompanies shots of bourbon, I decided to find a new surgeon. I was beyond surprised when I learned the extent of the injury. I had pain, but I was functional. I was still struggling through my push ups and punching and blocking as though I knew what I was doing. I had completely torn a tendon in my shoulder and I had done it so slowly as to not really notice how bad it had become.
There was never a question about whether I would have the surgery. My surgeon, a man who works with amateur and professional athletes alike, asked me if karate was worth it. I gave him an unqualified yes.
What compelled you to return?
Just as there was no question about having the surgery, there was never a question of whether to return. In the time I've been hanging around I have seen a lot of people come and go. I've seen people deal with injuries and job changes and pregnancy and breakups. I knew from what I had observed and experienced that if I went away, coming back would be extremely difficult. So instead of going away, I did the opposite. Prior to my surgery I took as many classes as I could. I kept training, kept sparring, kept working on my strength. I wanted to be in the best shape I could because I didn't know how long I'd be unable to train.
In addition, I ventured outside my introvert comfort zone. I stepped outside my 9 friend Facebook world and signed up for Karate Peeps. I knew I would need support and in order to get that, people would need to know what was happening with me. I shared more personal information than is typical for me. I posted pictures of me in pre-op and in therapy and on the massage table. I shared some of my experience with the community in hopes that they would not forget me. Their response was and continues to be overwhelming. People I knew only slightly, reached out with messages and cards and gifts. People joined in the games I made up to amuse myself. And when I came back to class 11 days after my surgery, I was greeted with such joy and support and love as I could not have imagined.
What challenges and rewards did you face upon returning?
In a community where everyone dresses alike and lines up in order, it is hard to stick out. It is hard to say, “I'm sorry. I can't do that exercise yet.” It's hard to stay on the warm up floor while your friends are rolling and falling and punching and kicking. As an introvert, I thrive in a system that allows me to blend in. The need to separate myself, to stand out, even for my own safety, is an uncomfortable one.
I also struggle daily with the challenge of using muscles that have lain dormant for many weeks. I've read that muscle begins to atrophy after a mere three days of not being used. Regardless of whether that is literally true, I certainly felt it energetically. When I looked in the mirror and saw where my bicep used to be and noticed that the tiny bit of muscle definition I had worked so hard to create had given way to soft, limp flesh, I worried that I would lose my constant battle with weight and stamina and heredity.
Do you have any tips for people who want to return but are feeling apprehensive about coming back?
Don't wait. Don't tell yourself stories about getting stronger or having more endurance or taking less medication. Talk with your teachers. Call them. Email them. They have done this a lot and they know how to help. Talk with your training partners. If you don't feel like you have them, get them. Use the directory. Use the internet. This community wants you to be here. They will help you. They will laugh with you and cry with you and help you get your gi pants on. Be here in whatever capacity you can, even if it is simply to watch class or to meditate and join the discussion. Being here is healing. It reminds your heart and your body of what you want, of why you came in the first place, of why you stayed, of why you chose to read this article.
Is there anything else you’d like to share about returning?
When you are healthy and/or young, you have a set of reasons that you train. They are good reasons. When you are sick or hurt or challenged in some other way that affects your training, you may well discover a seemingly different set of reasons to train. There is no great moral weight to either of these. They are both good, and more importantly, they are both yours. I am still learning a great deal from studying mine.
Two weeks after I was invited to prepare to test for shodan, I learned that I needed this surgery. Two months after being invited to prepare to test for shodan, I couldn't take a shower by myself. Coming to class got me out of the house and out of my head and back into my body. It gave me hope that I might someday punch again, spar again, break a board again. Even when I wondered if I would ever sleep for more than 4 hours again, I knew that I would train and I would use that to propel my recovery. 13 weeks post-op, my doctor and my therapist are amazed at the speed of my recovery and at the depth of my determination.
Senpai Carla has paraphrased a Buddhist teacher, Katagiri Roshi, I believe, “While you are training, many things will happen. Pay no attention to them. Just keep training.”

Osu!